When we talk about spirituality, we often hear about love, light, positivity, and raising our vibration. And while I absolutely believe in those things, I also think there’s a part of spiritual growth that doesn’t get talked about enough: embracing the parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden, suppressed, or learned to reject.
This is where shadow work comes in. Shadow work is about getting to know the parts of yourself that you may not necessarily want other people to see—or even want to acknowledge yourself. It’s about bringing awareness to the emotions, beliefs, and behaviors that you’ve pushed aside and understanding why they’re there. And no, this doesn't mean that you're broken or that there's something wrong with you. It means you're human.
What Is Shadow Work?
Your shadow self is made up of the parts of you that you've learned to hide or suppress. These can be emotions, personality traits, experiences, or even qualities that you were made to believe weren't acceptable. Maybe you learned that being angry wasn't okay, so you pushed your anger down. Maybe you were told you were too sensitive, too emotional, too loud, or too much, so you started making yourself smaller to fit in.
Your shadow can include things like jealousy, insecurity, vulnerability, bitterness, neediness, arrogance, envy, or even shyness. These are qualities or feelings that we might judge ourselves for having, so instead of acknowledging them, we try to push them away. But here's the thing: just because you don't want to see a particular part of yourself doesn't mean it disappears. Those feelings and behaviors can still show up in your life, sometimes in ways you don't even recognize.
Shadow work is about becoming aware of these parts of yourself instead of continuing to avoid them. It's not about getting rid of your shadow or trying to become a perfect person. It's about understanding yourself on a deeper level and learning to accept all the different parts of who you are.
Your Shadow Is Trying to Teach You Something
One of the things I find so interesting about shadow work is that the parts of ourselves we judge the most can actually teach us a lot. For example, jealousy might be pointing to something you desire but haven't allowed yourself to pursue. Anger might be showing you that a boundary has been crossed. Vulnerability might be asking you to let someone in instead of always trying to appear strong.
Sometimes we don't want to acknowledge these feelings because they make us uncomfortable. We might think we're being negative, selfish, or unspiritual by having them. But pushing those emotions away doesn't help us understand them. In fact, it can keep us stuck in the same patterns.
Think about how often you might smile and say you're fine when you're actually hurting. Maybe you stay quiet when someone says something that bothers you because you don't want to create conflict. Maybe you find yourself complimenting other people while putting yourself down. These are everyday examples of how we can hide parts of ourselves because we've learned that certain feelings or behaviors aren't acceptable.
And sometimes our shadows become more noticeable when we're stressed, overwhelmed, or triggered. You might react more strongly than you expected, or find yourself feeling something that seems out of proportion to what's happening. Rather than immediately judging yourself for that reaction, take a moment to get curious. What is this bringing up for you? Is there an old belief, experience, or emotion underneath it?
Other People Can Be Mirrors
Another way to explore your shadow is by paying attention to the people around you and how you respond to them. Sometimes the qualities we admire in other people can reflect qualities that we have within ourselves but haven't fully recognized or embraced. Maybe you admire someone who's confident, outspoken, creative, or comfortable being seen. What is it about that person that draws you in? Could that be something you're ready to express more of in your own life?
On the other hand, the qualities that really irritate or trigger us in other people can sometimes offer insight into parts of ourselves that we've rejected. This doesn't mean that every person who annoys you is showing you something about yourself. Sometimes someone is simply crossing a boundary or behaving in a way that doesn't align with your values. But it's worth asking yourself why a particular behavior brings up such a strong reaction.
You might discover that you're judging someone for being outspoken because you've spent years being afraid to speak up yourself. Or maybe someone's confidence triggers your own insecurities because you haven't given yourself permission to take up space. These moments can be opportunities to learn more about yourself.
A Simple Shadow Work Journaling Exercise
Here's a simple exercise you can try to start exploring your own shadow. Think of someone you admire or someone who tends to trigger or irritate you. You can choose one person for each part of the exercise.
First, write down five qualities you admire about someone. Maybe they're confident, independent, creative, compassionate, or comfortable expressing themselves. Then ask yourself: Do I see any of these qualities in myself? Are these qualities that I already express, or are they parts of myself that I've been holding back?
Next, think of someone who triggers or annoys you. Write down five qualities or behaviors that bother you about that person. Then ask yourself whether any of those qualities might be something you judge or suppress within yourself. Is there an emotion or behavior that you don't allow yourself to express? Is there something about that person that brings up an insecurity or an old belief?
Don't overthink your answers, and don't judge yourself for what comes up. The point of this exercise isn't to label yourself as good or bad. It's to become more aware of what's happening beneath the surface. Sometimes simply recognizing a pattern is the first step toward changing it.
Shadow Work Is About Embracing All of You
I think it's important to remember that spiritual growth isn't about being positive all the time or pretending that difficult emotions don't exist. You can be a spiritual person and still feel angry, jealous, insecure, frustrated, or hurt. You can love yourself and still have parts of yourself that you're working to understand.
Sometimes we get so focused on being in the light that we forget we're allowed to acknowledge the dark, too. And when we try to bypass our emotions or convince ourselves that we should always be happy and positive, we miss an important part of our healing.
Shadow work invites you to stop running from those parts of yourself and start getting curious about them. Instead of asking, "What's wrong with me?" try asking, "What is this feeling trying to show me?" Instead of judging yourself for a reaction, explore where it might be coming from. The more you understand yourself, the more empowered you become to make different choices.
You don't have to fix every part of yourself. You don't have to become someone else. You just have to be willing to see yourself more fully. Because embracing your authentic self means embracing all of you—not just the parts that are easy to love.
If you're ready to explore your own patterns, reconnect with yourself, and support your energetic and spiritual growth, I offer one-on-one Reiki, intuitive guidance, and energy healing sessions. You can also join my Sacred Circle Collective, where you'll receive monthly intuitive readings, collective Spirit messages, and group distance Reiki sessions.
Learn more at liveandbreathereiki.com.
